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[28 Dec 2005|09:04pm]
I got a guitar for christmas!
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[18 Dec 2005|11:19pm]
Does anyone have a precalc text book, at all? Because I really need one to borrow during the christmas break.

Please let me know if you do.
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Memory [03 Nov 2005|09:07am]
I'm feeling pretty weird right now. There's lots of stuff I meant to write in my livejournal, to remind me of things later when my memory gets really skewed or I forget things altogether which is inevitable, but I haven't felt like writing them down, and I can feel myself forgetting already, they're probably already gone, and at best all I could do is summarize my past week or so. I guess I've been feeling really... well, I'm not quite sure the right word is nostalgic, or at least, not in the "oh man, those were the good old days, everything is horrible now and everything was great then" kind of way, because I know better than that. I wouldn't want to live in the past again, the feeling isn't quite missing the past, but it's more like I can feel the past lately, whether because of the weather or whatever. When I walk outside, it's like I'm walking somewhere in a different period of my life, like that feeling of wordless-ness that your mind attaches to different stages or general areas of your life that you can't really explain but which are typically completely unique. But these feelings are present in a stage that they shouldn't be present in, I mean, there's a difference between you remembering how you felt at one stage of your life and knowing you can't ever obtain it again, and then actually feeling that atmosphere again in total disconnect of nostalgia or sentimentality or longing. I don't really know if this makes any sense, or if it has any meaning at all. But it seems now like my entire memory is just starting to converge into this uniform blur, one time not distinct from another time, even though I know they were distinctive before, and that uniform blur is finally spreading to the present and enveloping it before it's even had time to reach the short-term memory stage. I feel like my memory is being eaten away and tainted faster than I can even produce it, and now the present is all that's left and it's getting dissolved as well. It's like my memory, top to bottom, is being lit on fire, and as it burns away, there are brief moments when it completely returns to the surface right before it's consumed.
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[01 Nov 2005|08:27pm]

I had another physics exam. This time, I did even worse than the last time. Yeah. This sucks a whole lot. And I'm really worried about math. I'm worried that I'm just going to do crappy in all of my core classes, and I won't be able to do any of the stuff I want to do, and I won't make it into graduate school because my grades will be crappy and my gpa will suck, and I'll just be screwed. This is so frustrating.

On a better note, I read a book today (well, a book minus the last 20 pages, which I'm finishing right now) for my english class, although it wasn't actually required because there's no assignment on it or anything, and the discussion for it was already this morning (at which point I hadn't read it yet). Regardless, it's a really good book, and I really really like it. It's called Lighthousekeeping by Jeanette Winterson, and I'd recommend it to anyone. It's not incredibly time consuming or long either, it goes by really quick. So, read it.
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[28 Oct 2005|08:53pm]

Well, if I do okay in this math class (which seems to be really hard to judge because one minute I'm doing really good and the next minute I'm totally behind), I think I'm going to just switch my major to math, and just do that. And apply for the combined degree program after next semester. I dunno, I guess we'll see what happens.

[03 Oct 2005|09:05pm]
Damn. If my physics test was a bomb, it would be the one that hit hiroshima. And I'd be standing right under it. I hate you physics. There's no reason why I should have done that bad. I thought I understood everything. I'm sad now. And tiffany is leaning on my shoulder and reading this right now.

Hi Tiffany. You're awesome. Yay.

But, I still hate physics.

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[03 Oct 2005|05:21pm]
Hm. So, I might have failed a physics exam, I'm not entirely sure yet. There's only 15 questions, and it's multiple choice, so only like 3 questions can drop you by 20%. It was pretty different from the homework, and not at all what I had studied for. There were maybe two questions that were actually similar. You suck, physics.

And now I have today and tomorrow to prepare for math. Which is probably going to go over even worse. And I think I'm bombing the participation portion of my grade which is 20%.

Oh, and the rain today was insanely weird.

I guess that's about it. But my apartment looks cooler now, my aunts and grandmother came up this weekend, brought a whooooole bunch of stuff, bought me even more stuff, and took me and tiffany out to eat at olive garden. And now I own my very first dvd player, ever. I have yet to own an actual dvd, but tiffany has lots, so it's okay.
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[29 Sep 2005|01:22pm]
I have my first math test coming up next wednesday, and I'm scared as crap. I also have a physics test on monday.

BOoOOooOOO! I need more time.

Tallahassee [17 Sep 2005|12:10am]
So, yesterday I drove up to Tallahassee for the Rilo Kiley show. And it was FREAKING AMAZING! I have a whole new respect for their newest cd, "More Adventurous." I had always sort of preferred their older stuff, but yeah. Their performance was unbelievable. Jenny Lewis has an incredible voice, and she has an incredible ability to make you feel her songs, and not just hear them. And Blake Sennett was so adorable (he's the bully from Salute Your Shorts, and the smaller bully from Boy Meets World from the older episodes). He's really short, though, and he was wearing a brown vest, so he kind of looked like an indie hobbit. And he sings really good live, much better than on the cds.

Also, I bought a shirt. But it's really tight because indie kids apparently like youth sized shirts, so that's all they sold.

Also, Sarah had lots of plungers in her apartment, and I had none, so now I totally have a plunger. Freakin' sweet!

And in conclusion, Tallahassee > Gainesville. Sorry Gainesville. And although Anne had to go to class and didn't get to go to the show, I got to have pizza with her. Woo!
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I wish I was in tallahassee. [13 Sep 2005|09:24pm]
I'm sure this is my fault, somehow. For being the way I am.

You know, I'm really really really really really really really really really really really not feeling very good. I'm not okay. I thought that things might be better in college, or perhaps that things wouldn't bother me as much, or that they never really mattered in the first place or shouldn't. But they do, and I am hurt by how things and people have turned out. And it just feels like the harder I've tried to ignore how I really feel towards people and things, the more predominently they are shoved in my face.

I just wanted to forget a lot of things and a lot of people, and focus on more important (more distracting) stuff, but I can't even do that now because I hate where I am, how I am, and all these traces, or reminders, of everything that made me feel like shit in highschool, perhaps before then also. The only people who are going to read this (or care) are the people who this isn't even aimed at, so I'm sorry for the pointless whining. But like, I swear, if one more person posts about sentimental bullcrap, or some party, or about some superficial drama, I'm probably just going to purge my friends list, if not my entire journal, because I'm quite tired of reading about it. It's so monotonous, I'm no better I'm sure, but I'm not sure how much more I can take.

So much for people I used to consider friends. Sorry I wasn't entertaining enough. And sorry I don't even know you or never did to begin with.
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[12 Sep 2005|03:44pm]
I work at 9 o'clock Monday mornings. I woke up at 9:08. I was an hour late because it takes the bus 30 minutes to get me to UF, and I couldn't make the 9:15.

And I had a physics test. I have a lot of homework I need to get done by tomorrow. And, I still feel pretty crappy.

[12 Sep 2005|01:36am]
[ mood | depressed ]


Was I like, the only person not invited to the party on saturday?

This weekend sucked so much. Much like last weekend. Oh, and the one before that. No one was here, all I did yesterday was go to walmart and hang out in my apartment alone. And, it really doesn't matter that I know like a million people who came to UF, because I might as well not know anyone for what it's worth.

I hate gainesville.

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[08 Sep 2005|09:25pm]
So, today I went to this undergraduate math club meeting thing, where one of the math advisors at our school talked about what the purpose of getting a math major might be, and what you can do with it, etc. There was free pizza and soda. Unfortunately, I wasn't hungry when I got there, but you know, it's still cool. I like math.

Hmmmm. I also like brownies. I think I'll go do homework now.
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[08 Sep 2005|07:09am]
People, time, criticism, blame, self-confidence, reflection, sleep. There's either too much, or not enough.

And sometimes, maybe people should just, you know, shut up. Because no one knows what the hell they are talking about, including me. And people who act like they do are just really exasperating sometimes.
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[29 Aug 2005|09:30pm]
Drivers in gainesville suck. Yes, I'm talking to you, the stupid bitchy girl on the phone with an attitude. You are NOT a good human being.

And I bet you eat babies.
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[28 Aug 2005|10:40am]
Poor New Orleans :(
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[26 Aug 2005|06:38pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

The past three days have been incredibly crappy and/or exhausting. Danny got into a car accident like half an hour ago and totalled his car in st. cloud. Also, my math class almost made me cry today. There are lots of other things that I don't have the energy to list, and I don't feel like going into detail. But I'm very sad. I don't know what's going to happen now.


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[13 Aug 2005|07:50pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Grrr. It's always one thing, or another, but never both or neither at the same time. The way I see it, I have two really really really good things right now, but I have an awful feeling that I'm going to screw up one, thus screwing up both inevitably, because they can't co-exist.

Today has been neverending. There are so many things to look forward to, but it seems like things or possibilities burn out before they even begin. I just wish things would coincide. What I really need is the frame of mind I had two days ago and before. Hopefully my current feeling is passing. I've already wasted too much.

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[29 Jul 2005|02:55pm]
So, Aug. 1st, we can start add/dropping classes for the fall. I started looking around for alternatives, in the event that I can't get the math class I need, and I realized that I'm suffering from serious english class withdrawal. There's no way on the face of the planet that I can go four years without an english class. A semester would be hard enough. So, maybe this is a sign that I need to re-evaluate what I really want to study.

First of all, I really want to take English Novels of the 20th Century for this coming semester. So, I think I'm going to sacrifice Cultural Anthropology. If I don't get the math class I need, I'm probably going to have to choose between Engineering and Math since there won't be much hope that I'll be able to finish both in the amount of time I have to do it in, in fact, even if I do get the class, I'll have to take summer school just to barely make it in 4 years. It's looking less and less likely that I'm going to do both. And then I have to decide what to do with English, whether it's get a minor, or, well, we'll see.

I really don't have any idea what I'm going to end up doing. It's way too hard to pick between things that I really, really, really enjoy. I want to just go to school forever, or at least until I've studied all the things I want to, but that's so unrealistic. It's hard enough to pay for everything when there's tons of scholarship money cushioning the cost. But in four years, that support runs out, and it becomes really hard and expensive to study more than one thing.
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[15 Jul 2005|12:50pm]
Countdown to Harry Potter time!

Also, it's craaaazy busy today in the math lab.

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